You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
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