I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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