You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
