Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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