so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
