allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
