you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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