i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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