We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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