I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
