His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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