So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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