I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
