i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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