So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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