just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
