the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize