My nipple is on Facebook.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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