were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
