Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
