If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
