I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
