I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
