That's intense
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
