Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
