Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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