Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
