he shaved USA in his pubs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dicks are not precious.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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