I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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