if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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