a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
