clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Found the puke drawer
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
