I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
