Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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