She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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