I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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