I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
