I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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