i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
