tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
