I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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