so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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