god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
