Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
