you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
