If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
