She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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