I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
