I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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