Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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