Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Randomize
