I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
