Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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