the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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