Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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