great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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