i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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