I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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