Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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