A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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