Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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