i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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