can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
