i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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