We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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