found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
