I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mom said you looked used
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I still have a little drunk in my system
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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