Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
