That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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