So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
