The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?