i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.