i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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