I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
