i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize