I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
