took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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