Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
