My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
