She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
