ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
